Roommate Tiffany's last hurrah!

whiitethrash: oh my god
whiitethrash: tiffany just got home
whiitethrash: and goes in her room
whiitethrash: and is like
whiitethrash: sasha!! are you playing a trick!
whiitethrash: and i'm like
whiitethrash: what?
whiitethrash: and she's like
whiitethrash: who put this lizard on my pillow!!
whiitethrash: and i'm like, what lizard
whiitethrash: and i go in her room and there's this tiny baby lizard on her pillow
whiitethrash: and i'm like, dude, i didn't put that there.
whiitethrash: and then she asked if you did
whiitethrash: and i'm like, but i'll catch it and put it outside
whiitethrash: and shes like
whiitethrash: WAIT ITS REAL??
whiitethrash: OMG
whiitethrash: OMG
whiitethrash: WHY IS IT IN HERE
whiitethrash: IS THAT WHAT KEPT BITING ME IN THE FACE ALL NIGHT
whiitethrash: and she shows me her chin and it has bite marks on it
whiitethrash: which are clearly
whiitethrash: FROM A BUG
whiitethrash: CUZ SHE SLEEPS ON THE FLOOR
whiitethrash: and then i had to catch the lizard
whiitethrash: and before i know it
whiitethrash: it pops off its tail
whiitethrash: which makes tiffany very unhappy
whiitethrash: and its just moving and jumping
whiitethrash: i totally see how beneficial that is for the lizard
whiitethrash: cuz even i, as a human being, expecting that to happen, was distracted by it.
whiitethrash: eventually tiffany runs out of the room and grabs a cup
whiitethrash: and is like, NOT TODAY!!!!
whiitethrash: and puts the lizard under it
whiitethrash: which isn't very helpful cuz then there's just a lizard under a cup on the carpet
whiitethrash: but i got it and took it outside and she threw away the tail
whiitethrash: and right now she just wheeled her suitcase out of the hall closet and she is going to start packing for tomorrow.
whiitethrash: sigh.
roommatekirsten: ahahahahahha

Roommate Tiffany: The End

Roommate Tiffany informed me last week, or perhaps even the week before, that she would be moving out before October. Her friend leased a house or some junk and Tiffany gets her own bathroom. That was the big seller. I guess I can't really blame her after the tampon incident. But damn. I will miss her sillyness.

Last weekend I asked her when she would be moving out. The conversation went a little like this...

Me: So when are you going to move out exactly?
Roommate Tiffany: Well, my friend said we could move in Friday, but I don't think I'll have all my stuff packed by then.
Me: ...sheets?

I'll miss that rainstick, maybe.

Besides that, I have had another handful of job interviews. Craigslist - either you are worthless or I am!! Because I am still unemployed. I even went to a Hallmark store for a job. Yes, Hallmark. Not such a bad idea IN THEORY though, because after all, I do want to illustrate children's books and greeting cards and I like big air conditioned rooms and having very few customers. So, you know, naturally it ended up being the worst fucking idea.

Yeah I didn't get it. There are a few reasons why. One being when I walked in, the manager told me I had "way too many piercings" for Hallmark's "very conservative environment". Whatever. Eight. All in my ears. They come out, you know. They do. I just unhook the back and they come right out! Sure, my ears are way uglier without them due to my susceptibility to keloids (ew!), but give a girl a break! But, it might also have way more to due with the personality test I had to take. Scantron style. I was told it would take at least forty minutes. Of course I pulled it off in 25-30. And I'm an honest gal. Not really. But sometimes. But when you hand me a bunch of questions essentially all boiling down to three basic ideas (1. Would I report a co-worker for stealing merchandise 2. Do I think it's okay to hire employees who "recreationally smoke marijuana" 3. Would I alert a manager if someone were drinking or doing drugs on the clock. Well, No - because I would be that employee, Yes, because I would be that employee, and lastly - No, because, I would be that employee!!!) I'm going to answer them the only way I know how. Honestly. It was actually very annoying, because it was the same basic four or five questions each repeated twenty different ways. Although the occasional random question made it quite entertaining. My favorites included, "Would it be a mistake to hire you?" (I hope they didn't notice the eraser residue on that bubble...) and "When you get angry do you break things and throw stuff?" I sure don't! But I curse a lot. Is that a problem?

Oh well. I also had to take a test for Borders. Actually the entire application is just an online personality test. Did I mention I've taken it at least four times before and never received a call back? What am I doing wrong!!! Oh well. And, this might infuriate Gem, but I applied at Whole Foods. I promise to save boxes though. ...if I get it. Which I wont. So no big deal, right?

roommate tiffany update!

whiitethrash: so this morning
whiitethrash: i thought tiffany left her alarm on
whiitethrash: cuz i heard this sound coming from her room for literally
whiitethrash: a half hour
whiitethrash: but it wasn't too annoying cuz it just sounded like one of those nature clocks
whiitethrash: that wakes you up like
whiitethrash: "calmly"
whiitethrash: it sounded like a rainstick.
whiitethrash: turns out
whiitethrash: she was really just in there
whiitethrash: for a half hour
whiitethrash: playing with a rainstick.




and so the worst fucking idea would be: to NOT live with roommate tiffany!

and just in case you want to keep count, here's a list of tiffany's current possessions:

•sheets and a pillow (no bed!)
•one suitcase filled with clothes
•thirteen canisters of tennis balls
•an ironing board + iron
•a teddy bear and a bunny rabbit
•one rainstick


roommate kirsten and i give her two thumbs up.

"what the bloody hell is this!"

roommate kirsten's dad is a cockneyed british man who enjoys reeboks, tank tops, and his bulldog tattoo. his name is john, but everyone calls him nigel because that's what roommate kirsten calls him. he is also the landlord of this here house, so when all the showers and toilets backed up today, he was the one to come fix them.

todays task involed a 100 foot rooter and about five hours. eventually the culprit was found. and i hate to do this to you, especially after berating Gem for the pad picture...

but it was a clump of tampons.

and the man pulled them out with his bare hands and uttered the title phrase.

(right when the initial backup occurred earlier in the day, i looked at kirsten and i said, "i bet it's tampons. i bet you anything. and it will be horribly embarrassing and i will be speechless. this will be so awkward.")

i mean they weren't like, red or anything (i know i'm sorry!!! but i have to tell you what happened!), but he held them in his hand and tugged on them and tried to pull them apart. and since roommate kirsten has her own bathroom, which although affected by the clog was not where the clog originated, and since roommate tiffany wasn't home, she said "haha they're all sasha's!"

so there i stood, in the hallway, looking into the bathroom at the tan, sweaty, middle aged british man, holding a wet clump of used tampons in his hand, in a puddle of dirty water. on his face: a grin. on roommate kirsten's face: a huge smile. on my face: absolute mortification.

and then roommate tiffany comes home with her boyfriend, whose hands are all bandaged from a motorcycle accident, and she inquires about the situation.

and i tell her.

and she says, verbatim, no lie, 100%:

"oh my god it's all my fault! i have a heavy flow!!!"

and you know, flushing the tampons isn't the bad idea here. in fact, even though he told me not to do it anymore, i am absolutely 100% positive i will continue to do it every month. and i will encourage others to as well because the worst fucking idea would be to not do that!!! today's worst fucking idea was looking nigel in the eye, while he held a giant clump of used wet tampons and saying, "woops!".

and i wont ever do it again.

it's been a while, since we've seen your smile.

hello!

heeeyylooo!!!


okay to the point, i was originally planning to post something about how it has been a while since i last postd a WFI and that was due to the fact that i never had the opportunity to make poor choices because i really rarely left my parents' house in the week or so since i last wrote. THEN i was going to talk about how it was a pretty horrible idea to sit at home the whole week because it was my last week in tucson and blah blah blah.

BUT! i just got back to tempe to my OWN house, and i decided to go get the mail...

now in this neighborhood we have a community mailbox. like, with keys and junk at the end of the street.


i haven't been back here since like, the end of may. but the following was posted on the mailbox sometime in july. and it basically makes living in this neighborhood a pretty big WFI.

i scanned it for you! sorry it's obnoxious to read, but you know, it's been rained on, sitting on metal in 130° and probably peed on (ack! must was hands!). whatever.

the moral is, south tempe, arizona = the worst fucking idea.





so basically, a few weeks ago when roommate tiffany called me to say she was super duper scared cuz there were cops everywhere, and then i called roommate kirsten to go home to check on roommate tiffany, and then roommate kirsten called me back to tell me THERE WERE GUNS EVERYWHERE, it like, wasn't a joke.

woops!

also, i can't believe it's all in english. i'm pretty sure the three of us are the only native english speakers on the block. i'm assuming very few people (if any) "gave feedback". i wonder who is in charge of the neighborhood?