For Example...

This post used to have a very long, terribly unfunny, overly personal story about poor communication among friends. And since the internet is not for talking about personal things, this post needed to be edited for content. Below you'll find the only good things about the previous form of the entry:




I was unhappy. So I wrote this brilliant gem of a txt: Thank you for inviting me out tonight. Unfortunately, I'm starring in a brand new hit tv show called Party Of One: The Lonely Years. Hope you can still have fun without me.

No response.

a night of brandi carlile: or, another reason why i am "sorta gay".

so last night i randomly decided to go to the brandi carlile show because i heard she's pretty good.

okay okay, i'll admit it: i have been planning all month to go because i fucking love her albums.

WHAT'S IT TO YA????

obviously i don't feel that my owning every single juliana hatfield album (including imports and singles!!!), six jordana brewster movies, three kelly clarkson posters (and her calendar) and two pairs of GAP Boyfriend jeans is gay enough, so i sometimes feel the need to seek out live music by lesbian icons. and i've been doing it for years!!!!

but last night was different...because somehow, despite the beautiful calming sound of an acoustic guitar and two bald men harmonizing background vocals...

i got into a verbal altercation with two blonde, drunk, thirty something california girls women womyn drunk whores.

the story isn't even that great. in fact the only really great part about it was that it happened at a brandi carlile show!! who does that??!! so here it is in short:

two girls = super drunk and super loud. there is nothing wrong with talking at a concert, but there is something cuuuuhraaazyyyy when your voice carries over the music, which is being run through AMPLIFIERS. like woah! i can hear every syllable! every single syllAAAAAble!!

the group behind these girls had asked them to quiet down, resulting in their extremely rude, obnoxious, middle-school like response of "NO WE AREN'T. YOU CAN MOVE THEN. OHMYGOD CALM DOWN." followed by them talking shit about the group who asked them to be quiet, but loudly enough for them to hear it - you know what i mean? there was also some neck action/snapping in the face and it was just lame.

and then i felt it... one of them tapped on my back... she wanted to talk to me...

"hey can i ask you a question??? are we being too loud??"

keep in mind, the show is going on. music is being played. and yes, they were being loud.

my response?

"well, do you want me to make up an answer? or tell you the truth? i can do either, i'm super good at making stuff up."

eek! people are watching!

blahblahblah, then they got all offended, and i tried to calm them down...

"you're drunk, you're loud, just quiet down and have fun! it's cool! we're all friends here!"

oh no! the extra drunk friend responds with, "I'M NOT DRUNK AND WE AREN'T BEING LOUD!" oh no, she put her finger in my face. IN MY FACE.

oh no, my passive aggressive form of confrontation (aka my PAFoC) kicks in and i say: "lady, that is the biggest lie i've heard all week. ALL WEEK LONG. since last saturday. the biggest, worst, lamest lie i have ever heard. out of the hundreds of lies i have heard in the last seven days, yours is number one. liar liar liar! now just shut up!"

OH MY GOD. i turned around before she could punch me in the face pour her beer in my hair call me fat, and when i looked back later on - they were both gone.... [ooooOOOOooooOOOOooOoohHHhhhh....!!] and that's when the praise came from the surrounding concert goers. shaking my hand, patting me on the back and i believe someone threw out "you're my hero" or two. no, seriously! aint no thang!

i don't know what the WFI was here, but i just had to share that story.

also, here is my favorite piece of dialogue from the evening. setting: the nastiest dive bar of all time, in the back alley where everyone goes to smoke cigarettes. players: drunk Sarah, her friend Wasted Emily, and a Random Girl eating a Slim Jim.

drunk sarah and wasted emily are rolling their own cigarettes. wasted emily is wearing cut off shorts, and drunk sarah is wearing a wife beater.

Wasted Emily to Random Girl: I hope you don't think we're trashy cuz we're rolling our own cigarettes!!

drunk sarah: ::giggle!::

Random Girl: i'm eating a slim jim!!!!

alright! that's it! bye!

Miss Vietnahm*

whiitethrash: are you really doing miss vietnam?
vietnamese friend: i dont know
vietnamese friend: haha
vietnamese friend: did you find the website
whiitethrash: no
whiitethrash: but i am about to
whiitethrash: and i want you to
whiitethrash: so i can cheer you on
whiitethrash: youd have to make me signs
whiitethrash: in vietnamese
whiitethrash: okay, here it is
whiitethrash: and first of all
whiitethrash: the girl on the left
whiitethrash: is not vietnamese
whiitethrash: she is indian.
vietnamese friend: lol
whiitethrash: 2ndly
vietnamese friend: shes probably part
whiitethrash: the girl 2nd from the right
whiitethrash: is hispanic
whiitethrash: and miss congeniality is obviously chinese
whiitethrash: this is all wrong.
whiitethrash: rebecca jasmine??
vietnamese friend: haha
whiitethrash: theres a slight possibility
whiitethrash: she's jewish.

question: is being in the miss vietnam pageant the worst fucking idea? or is me going and cheering her on from the audience while holding a sign that says something in vietnamese the worst fucking idea? or are they both super awesome ideas? well i'll tell you what the best fucking idea was, and that was having girls who are blatantly not vietnamese (or asian!) winning! viva rigged competitions/bribery/liars!!!



*NAHM. i did it on purpose.

sending this would either be the best fucking idea, or the worst fucking idea....

i received an award in 2006 - well, a grant really - to do a project for Hillel at my university. Long story short, they stiffed me, sent me nasty letters asking for a return of the half of the money they had given me at the beginning, and have been a general nuisance ever since. I keep trying to get my dues from them but they keep coming up with nonsense. so basically, after a bunch of letter writing and them attacking my character, calling me a "failure", saying my project was incomplete and even yelling at me and my mom on the phone, lying, being hypocritical and avoiding their responsibilities i have had enough. this is my final letter to the head of the committee. other players include the rabbi, who basically co-heads the committee but wont admit it because then he has to TAKE RESPONSIBILITY, and maureen, a secretary of sorts.

all the other letters i had written them were very direct, polite and appropriate. but that's no fun, is it??!!


Well David,

Yo it's like this, I really enjoyed your brief history of the success of the Frazer award. It looks like so much fun that I am even considering trying for it again next year - - wouldn't that just be aces! Are food and beverage provided at the awards? I sure hope so, I love cheese and crackers.

Enough about lactose (does it give you gas? it gives my brother gas), my mother showed me the letter you sent to her regarding both the previous letter she sent to you and Rabbi Lee and my "failed committments", and I cannot thank you enough! I haven't laughed so hard since Gallagher's Sledge-O-Matic special in 1998!! Who knew lies, bullshit, and outright make believe could be so funny!! You did, David! You did! I especially loved the part about "knowing the facts" and your creative usage of the word "spite" in place of the word "despite". Or was that by accident? Humm... I bet you make a fabulous lawyer!

These incidents you speak of, with wild and great imagination, are the things children's books are made of! Which is both ironic and convenient considering I hope to be an illustrator of children's books in the future - so if you ever feel like fully developing these "fantasy worlds" into a completed story and you need an illustrator - you know where to find me (wink!)! But remember, I have very little (if any) understanding of "committment" and I often times take things for granted...

I love that you think I ignored Maureen's phone calls (all both of them!) and e-mails (of which I have only three, one of her cancelling an appointment I had with the Rabbi and postponing it, last minute, and the other a response to an e-mail I had sent her regarding specific meeting times and my availability), it's like you pulled this shit out of your ass. straight from your ass. you stuck your hand up your butt hole and ripped this from your innards, bloodied and soiled.. Your inclusion of the e-mails was a nice touch too, especially considering they don't include MY writings to Maureen, and just hers. Well played, Mr. Frazer!

And you are absolutely right about my project being unfinished in February. It most certainly was. Absolutely 100% unfinished in February. Did you know the projects were due March 19th? That's weird.

Humm..what else... oh, "redirecting" my project toward children. Well, yes and no. I didn't REDO my project, it just so happened that while working on it it had taken a direction geared toward youth. Perhaps it had to do with my years of teaching the wee ones or my previously mentioned desire to illustrate books for kids. Either way, the Rabbi really fucked up his notations on that meeting we had! I think all those back problems got to his ears!! I kid, I kid!

Lastly, once again you're right about something. i didn't bring my finished project to the Rabbi until the end of April. Why? Well, because no one had asked me for it prior. There had been no rescheduling for the presentations and no requests to see my project, so i just kept it at home until someone asked for it. And then I brought it in.

Oh - before i forget, you mentioned something about the "inappropriate tenor" used by my Mother in her letter to you, which reminds me, I don't think I ever got a chance to thank you for calling me an irresponsible failure. I really appreciated it. Is that better or worse than a washed up, hypocritical Jerk face of a Lawyer cheating young artists out of hundreds of dollars?? I'm not quite sure, and neither are my two peers from 2006 who also didn't receive their dues.

Well, before I end this letter between friends, I would like to share a short list I've made of things you can do with the money I am owed, but will never receive.

1. stick it in your butt
2.
3.

Uh oh! It's unfinished!

-best wishes,
Sasha

PS no i don't want to do a presentation for a "small portion" of the money.

truth hurts. hey what's up, Mark??

roommate kirsten = female of the universe

ever since roommate kirsten changed her myspace profile location to read "lebanon" instead of the more accurate "scottsdale" she has been quite the popular little arab!!!

kirsten: check out this message i got from egypt

kirsten: Hi,

Greetings from the land of the Pharos – EGYPT

We will be organizing an International and Very Special Event


Female of the Universe Competition 2008

During the Period of June 17th – 26th, 2008 in

Sharm El Sheikh - Egypt

The Competition will include the participation of (80) Females from different countries

Participation is opened – NOT limited to one from each country


It’s Not a BEAUTY Competition – It’s Not a MODELING Competition

It’s a MIXTURE of both – we need to choose a

FEMALE OF THE UNIVERSE 2008


For Details: www.femaleuniverse.net

PARTICIPATION IS FREE

kirsten: i would like to be female of the universe!
whiitethrash: oh
whiitethrash: its beauty AND modeling.
whiitethrash: not one or the other.
kirsten: ahahaha
whiitethrash: phew.
whiitethrash: you didnt stand a chance before.
whiitethrash: but now
whiitethrash: now you do!
kirsten: i know!
kirsten: what an awesome title
kirsten: female of the universe
whiitethrash: i feel like
kirsten: if i had that
whiitethrash: muslim countries dont have those kinds of competitions.
kirsten: i would put it on everything
kirsten: ahaha
whiitethrash: clearly its a trick
kirsten: i know right
whiitethrash: to get a bunch of women in a room
whiitethrash: and stone them to death.
whiitethrash: WORST FUCKING IDEA.
whiitethrash: DONT DO IT.


if you're interested though, you can get more information here: http://www.myspace.com/life_network_agency . and if that URL doesn't seem like a legit corporation, i don't know what does. happy siiiiigh.

WFI: Packing to move, BFI: Procrastinating.

Dear Whole Foods store in Brighton, MA,

First, I am an adult, I promise. And, while this may seem like whining, I really don't want it to come off that way. What might be unimportant to your staff made a pretty major change in my schedule. And, for that, I pretty much hate you guys.

So, I am moving and need some boxes. Moving can be a pretty stressful thing as I'm sure you know well and I am relying on two days off (one of them being today) to accomplish packing. Last year, you guys were really kind to save some for me. This year, I decided to call you again for boxes to move. Yeah, sure, carrying 7 boxes back to my apartment in oppressive humidity last July was fairly intolerable, but the obtainment of the boxes was so smooth thanks to a larger older fellow, I decided to try again. Plus, the weather this weekend is so much cooler. So, I called ahead last night to see if there were boxes available and after an odd and confusing exchange at the front desk where a woman told me there would be no boxes available because they are all immediately compacted and there wouldn't be any until the next day however there won't actually be any tomorrow (Sunday), I was thankfully transferred to grocery. There, a young guy told me there WERE boxes and I asked if he could stick a post-it note on them to save them for me when I pick them up at 10 am in the morning. He said that was totally unnecessary, no one would touch them and to call in the morning. So, I did. And another young guy this morning says no, there are no boxes saved and no boxes available and to call back at 1pm.

Well, that was 9:30am and I planned to start packing after picking the boxes up at 10am. This really puts a huge delay in my whole schedule. Not just my packing schedule, but my LIFE schedule. I feel like I did everything I could possibly do to make sure I would have boxes and your store lacks a proper system to assist customers with their amateur recycling endeavors. This wasn't a last minute dash at all. I called ahead! Twice! And not one, but two people lied to me. Hell, maybe even more. At this point, the process of collecting these boxes was so botched and laden with misinformation, I can't figure out where it all when wrong.

So, I know this isn't a big deal in the grocery world, but, in Meghan world, it was a really annoying inconvenience and a major setback to moving forward in my life; pun intended. If your staff was more organized, informed, and possibly more friendly (read: not imbecilic liars), I don't think this would have happened today. After reviewing your Core Values, I'd say this issue is violating at least 4 of them. Above all, this interaction with your staff lacked integrity and respect. If your stores are charging so much for groceries, you should probably train your staff in basic customer service. And, also, stop hiring liars.

Most sincerely,
Meghan.



I fucking hate moving.