thursday night's plans.

New Summer Games

whiitethrash
the othe rday we were so bored
sarah wanted to play the benadryl game
where we each take a benedryl and see who can stay awake the longest
hahaha
i said no.

jenni
hahaha
oh shit that sounds like my friend
but it's the nyquil game
and she plays it every day, by herself

friend says wha?

whiitethrash
you know about nathan right?
my friend nathan?
he's like my male sarah
i never understand
and i have never understood
a damn fucking word that comes out of his mouth on the telephone.
so when we make plans
i'm never positive what they are
or if i am picking him up
or if he is picking me up
or if it's something i even want to do
or is even legal!
i just kinda go over to his house and hit the bong.

gemath y:
and?

whiitethrash
well, to buy time
until i hear what the next move is
and then i usually say i dont want to do that
and he is always like, but you just said you would
and i have no idea, obviously.
i am telling you this because i just ignored his phone call
because i dont want any surprises tonight.

but mandy moore IS pretty!!!!

sarah: my dad doesn't think mandy moore is pretty.
me: so?
sarah: my dad thinks I'M pretty!!! what does that say!!!!

a night of brandi carlile: or, another reason why i am "sorta gay".

so last night i randomly decided to go to the brandi carlile show because i heard she's pretty good.

okay okay, i'll admit it: i have been planning all month to go because i fucking love her albums.

WHAT'S IT TO YA????

obviously i don't feel that my owning every single juliana hatfield album (including imports and singles!!!), six jordana brewster movies, three kelly clarkson posters (and her calendar) and two pairs of GAP Boyfriend jeans is gay enough, so i sometimes feel the need to seek out live music by lesbian icons. and i've been doing it for years!!!!

but last night was different...because somehow, despite the beautiful calming sound of an acoustic guitar and two bald men harmonizing background vocals...

i got into a verbal altercation with two blonde, drunk, thirty something california girls women womyn drunk whores.

the story isn't even that great. in fact the only really great part about it was that it happened at a brandi carlile show!! who does that??!! so here it is in short:

two girls = super drunk and super loud. there is nothing wrong with talking at a concert, but there is something cuuuuhraaazyyyy when your voice carries over the music, which is being run through AMPLIFIERS. like woah! i can hear every syllable! every single syllAAAAAble!!

the group behind these girls had asked them to quiet down, resulting in their extremely rude, obnoxious, middle-school like response of "NO WE AREN'T. YOU CAN MOVE THEN. OHMYGOD CALM DOWN." followed by them talking shit about the group who asked them to be quiet, but loudly enough for them to hear it - you know what i mean? there was also some neck action/snapping in the face and it was just lame.

and then i felt it... one of them tapped on my back... she wanted to talk to me...

"hey can i ask you a question??? are we being too loud??"

keep in mind, the show is going on. music is being played. and yes, they were being loud.

my response?

"well, do you want me to make up an answer? or tell you the truth? i can do either, i'm super good at making stuff up."

eek! people are watching!

blahblahblah, then they got all offended, and i tried to calm them down...

"you're drunk, you're loud, just quiet down and have fun! it's cool! we're all friends here!"

oh no! the extra drunk friend responds with, "I'M NOT DRUNK AND WE AREN'T BEING LOUD!" oh no, she put her finger in my face. IN MY FACE.

oh no, my passive aggressive form of confrontation (aka my PAFoC) kicks in and i say: "lady, that is the biggest lie i've heard all week. ALL WEEK LONG. since last saturday. the biggest, worst, lamest lie i have ever heard. out of the hundreds of lies i have heard in the last seven days, yours is number one. liar liar liar! now just shut up!"

OH MY GOD. i turned around before she could punch me in the face pour her beer in my hair call me fat, and when i looked back later on - they were both gone.... [ooooOOOOooooOOOOooOoohHHhhhh....!!] and that's when the praise came from the surrounding concert goers. shaking my hand, patting me on the back and i believe someone threw out "you're my hero" or two. no, seriously! aint no thang!

i don't know what the WFI was here, but i just had to share that story.

also, here is my favorite piece of dialogue from the evening. setting: the nastiest dive bar of all time, in the back alley where everyone goes to smoke cigarettes. players: drunk Sarah, her friend Wasted Emily, and a Random Girl eating a Slim Jim.

drunk sarah and wasted emily are rolling their own cigarettes. wasted emily is wearing cut off shorts, and drunk sarah is wearing a wife beater.

Wasted Emily to Random Girl: I hope you don't think we're trashy cuz we're rolling our own cigarettes!!

drunk sarah: ::giggle!::

Random Girl: i'm eating a slim jim!!!!

alright! that's it! bye!

Miss Vietnahm*

whiitethrash: are you really doing miss vietnam?
vietnamese friend: i dont know
vietnamese friend: haha
vietnamese friend: did you find the website
whiitethrash: no
whiitethrash: but i am about to
whiitethrash: and i want you to
whiitethrash: so i can cheer you on
whiitethrash: youd have to make me signs
whiitethrash: in vietnamese
whiitethrash: okay, here it is
whiitethrash: and first of all
whiitethrash: the girl on the left
whiitethrash: is not vietnamese
whiitethrash: she is indian.
vietnamese friend: lol
whiitethrash: 2ndly
vietnamese friend: shes probably part
whiitethrash: the girl 2nd from the right
whiitethrash: is hispanic
whiitethrash: and miss congeniality is obviously chinese
whiitethrash: this is all wrong.
whiitethrash: rebecca jasmine??
vietnamese friend: haha
whiitethrash: theres a slight possibility
whiitethrash: she's jewish.

question: is being in the miss vietnam pageant the worst fucking idea? or is me going and cheering her on from the audience while holding a sign that says something in vietnamese the worst fucking idea? or are they both super awesome ideas? well i'll tell you what the best fucking idea was, and that was having girls who are blatantly not vietnamese (or asian!) winning! viva rigged competitions/bribery/liars!!!



*NAHM. i did it on purpose.

Stoned

i have decided to increase my illegal narcotic intake to make up for gem's sobriety. that might be a worst fucking idea in and of itself. but it sounds dreamy.


i cannot take credit for this idea, all the credit goes out to my stoner friend sarah, but i will say that my reaction to it went something like this:

"wtf? that's so dumb. no one is ever going to pay for that. except wait. that sounds kind of good. i would totally pay for one of those. i'd pay for two. do they come in big gulp sizes?"

that reaction was completely non verbal by the way. 100% facial expression. and it also lasted less than one second.


the idea?

water slushies. no flavor. no fruit. just fine ice.



i back it up completely. i even encouraged sarah to purchase a bicycle and a little freezer cart to hook on to the back. she can sell them around campus. COLLEGE DROPOUT MY ASS.


then the next night emily suggested something like, strawberry flavored rum. i told her it exists under the name "cough syrup". and that it's a bad idea.