a legit wfi

WFI - Dad the Lawyer

My dad got a speeding ticket on his way back from the casino the other night.

He is going to fight it because he thinks it was malicious. And because he has a radar detector in his car and it didn't go off, so he believes the officer is making everything up.

I am siding with the officer.

Anyway, my dad has been buying law books. Law dictionaries, law for dummies, and, the book he is most wild about, some piece of shit by Alan Dershowitz.

He doesn't read the books though. They just sit on the table.

Oh well.

dear everyone who drives a smart car,


you look like idiots and i haaaaaaaaaaaaaate you.!.!

my best,
Lewis

temporary tattoos!

ah, passover week! aka, my birthday week! an entire week! well, no, but passover began on the 19th of april, as did my venture into My 24th year. Yes, i turned 23. and yes, i randomly punctuated some of those Letters. my mom demanded that i drive two hours down to my parents' house for seder. and, after telling her how much i didn't want to do that and how much it would totally ruin my birthday plans (of which i actually had none...), i succumbed. i caved. i went. and i brought a shiksa named jacqueline.

mother said the whole family would be there! and the whole other family we "celebrate" with would be there! and my parents' best friend from college and his girlfriend, neither of which i had met, would be there, and my mom really really wanted the whole family to be together and for me to meet the friends!!! yay!!!

turns out, my brother didn't get off work (which means his totally awesome girlfriend, who is also my totally awesome friend wouldn't be in attendance), my creepy uncle chose to spend the evening by himself (no loss really, but i had been telling jackie how creepy he was and i think a part of me wanted her to experience the weirdness for herself, but alas, another time...), their daughter didn't get off work, and i have met her friend, paul, and his girlfriend, fran, NUMEROUS TIMES. a ton! A SHIT TON. a lot!

thusly, dinner was me, jackie, my parents, paul and fran, and lynn and cliff from the other family.

i am the only jew jackie, a product of private catholic schooling and a right wing family, knows. so, naturally, everything was a little awkward. but i introduced her to matzo ball soup and maneschewitz wine so all was well.

i wore short sleeves by the way. remember this?? my parents had yet to see it. i was hiding it very well. but on this night, which is unlike other nights (joke for all y'all jews out there!!), i wore short sleeves.

and i showed it to my parents.

"here is my tattoo!"

WTF!!!Q!!!@#$#$WERASSE#WS#@#%R$%#T^U

they were not happy!!! i thought they would sigh and roll their eyes and figure what's done is done, and it was my 23rd birthday so they can't tell me what to do I'M FUCKING TWENTY THREE BITCHES!!! and i had a guest with me - you can't have family arguments with a guest! (jackie is well aware that my timing was NO coincidence - but she also thinks my mom was pretty drunk and my dad has a tendency to forget absolutely everything so...you know, maybe it all wasn't/won't be SUCH a big deal??).

in a panic - or maybe, MAYBE, in a moment of brilliance [read: another WORST FUCKING IDEA] -

i told them it was a new form of temporary tattooing! and it would be off within TWO WEEKS.


did i mention i am moving back into my parents' house in SIX WEEKS.


oh goodness!!!!!!


lord help us all!!!


and yes - that is a real picture of my father!!!

2008: The Year of Lust LOVE!!!!

gemathy:
I've decided that I want to fall in love
and I think you should too
and that should be what we do this year
I guess that's a wfi already
isn't it

whiitethrash:
sooo...should i blog that or should you...

Pigeon Poo

Recently, as in, last week, as in, like, Wednesday, I was searching craigslist for a job. Because I've been doing that every day since May (and I still don't have one BTW). I stumbled across an ad (which is no longer up or I'd screen cap it for sure) asking for someone to assist in the "cleaning and training" of their carrier/racer/homing pigeons.

No thanks!, right?? WRONG. Because it was only about three hours a week and twenty bucks an hour and it fit into my "ridiculously impossible to become employed" school schedule. So I was like, EFF YES MOTHER EFFER WOO! And I called them up and had an interview on Saturday morning.

Twenty bucks an hour is like heaven to me. The last time I was making twenty bucks an hour I was teaching an after school drawing program to elementary schoolers and I wanted to die. Cleaning pigeon poo would be a breeeeeze compared to monitoring fifteen eight year olds with markers and a sugar high.

(PS, has anyone noticed I've been punctuating this entry? CuhRazy.)

I assumed the interview would be me being taught what to do and walking away with a job. But, as it turned out, after walking through numerous "lofts" crammed with pigeons cooing in my ear and being asked silly questions like, "You aren't afraid of birds, are you?", I shook the man's hand and heard the horrible following words...

"Well I have a few more interviews today, but I will call you this evening."

What?? Other people responded to that ad?? Really?? I never would have come had I known that. Because if I have learned anything since losing my job in May it's that if there's another applicant I will not get the job and they will! I never get the job! They always get the job! God damn it!

The worst fucking idea of it all was to tell people that I was going in to apply for this job at all! Because now I have to tell them all that I didn't get it!

So does this mean I'm...really really overqualified??.... or really really underqualified...??


Oh. Fucking. Well.


Anyway, here are my two favorite haikus from yesterday. Also, I think Gem is way funnier than I am and makes way better posts than I do. Just thought I'd say that.

it's craigslist time!

if i had any comments they are directly on the image. best is saved for last. enjoy!