The Real Rules

Actually, what I said was:

1. Be fun.
2. Don't ruin my days off.
3. Don't annoy me by not wanting to do anything.

She hasn't fucked up yet.

(O HAI JORDAN!)

temporary tattoos!

ah, passover week! aka, my birthday week! an entire week! well, no, but passover began on the 19th of april, as did my venture into My 24th year. Yes, i turned 23. and yes, i randomly punctuated some of those Letters. my mom demanded that i drive two hours down to my parents' house for seder. and, after telling her how much i didn't want to do that and how much it would totally ruin my birthday plans (of which i actually had none...), i succumbed. i caved. i went. and i brought a shiksa named jacqueline.

mother said the whole family would be there! and the whole other family we "celebrate" with would be there! and my parents' best friend from college and his girlfriend, neither of which i had met, would be there, and my mom really really wanted the whole family to be together and for me to meet the friends!!! yay!!!

turns out, my brother didn't get off work (which means his totally awesome girlfriend, who is also my totally awesome friend wouldn't be in attendance), my creepy uncle chose to spend the evening by himself (no loss really, but i had been telling jackie how creepy he was and i think a part of me wanted her to experience the weirdness for herself, but alas, another time...), their daughter didn't get off work, and i have met her friend, paul, and his girlfriend, fran, NUMEROUS TIMES. a ton! A SHIT TON. a lot!

thusly, dinner was me, jackie, my parents, paul and fran, and lynn and cliff from the other family.

i am the only jew jackie, a product of private catholic schooling and a right wing family, knows. so, naturally, everything was a little awkward. but i introduced her to matzo ball soup and maneschewitz wine so all was well.

i wore short sleeves by the way. remember this?? my parents had yet to see it. i was hiding it very well. but on this night, which is unlike other nights (joke for all y'all jews out there!!), i wore short sleeves.

and i showed it to my parents.

"here is my tattoo!"

WTF!!!Q!!!@#$#$WERASSE#WS#@#%R$%#T^U

they were not happy!!! i thought they would sigh and roll their eyes and figure what's done is done, and it was my 23rd birthday so they can't tell me what to do I'M FUCKING TWENTY THREE BITCHES!!! and i had a guest with me - you can't have family arguments with a guest! (jackie is well aware that my timing was NO coincidence - but she also thinks my mom was pretty drunk and my dad has a tendency to forget absolutely everything so...you know, maybe it all wasn't/won't be SUCH a big deal??).

in a panic - or maybe, MAYBE, in a moment of brilliance [read: another WORST FUCKING IDEA] -

i told them it was a new form of temporary tattooing! and it would be off within TWO WEEKS.


did i mention i am moving back into my parents' house in SIX WEEKS.


oh goodness!!!!!!


lord help us all!!!


and yes - that is a real picture of my father!!!

...let's continue yesterdays WFI...

Yesterday's WFI can be found here, you lazy bastard that refuses to scroll down.


And just this very moment I received a text message from Ta.

"Hey you big homo. Jew jokes today at work."


I only work weekends, so, with today being a Monday, I wasn't around to partake in the Jew jokes.


No one there thinks I'm Jewish, but they allllllllll think I'm gay.


Also, I just googled "gay jew" to find a good picture for this post, and not only were the results not offensive, but they were also just boring. So, no picture!

craigslist time!!!

responding to any of the following three would be a pretty bad idea, but the 3rd one specifically would be the WORST FUCKING IDEA. anyway... enjoy!! try not to throw up!!






and this one isn't a personals ad, but far too incredible to not post!

Gem asks for help 2: electric boogaloo

gemath y: I can't get the code you typed out in our convo
gemath y: to not make a url
gemath y: I've tried spaces and . in random spots
gemath y: and it doesn't work
whiitethrash: its supposed to make a url
gemath y: but it doesn't make sense if it is a url
gemath y: because it's not one
gemath y: it doesn't link to anything
gemath y: the [code] words you want to show up
gemath y: that part
gemath y: it needs to be written code but not a link
gemath y: FIX
gemath y: NOW
gemath y: NOW NOW NOW NOW
gemath y: NOW
gemath y: NOW
gemath y: NOW
gemath y: NOW
gemath y: where the FUCK are you
whiitethrash: sorry
whiitethrash: i was peeing
gemath y: DON'T. DO. THAT.
whiitethrash: oh
whiitethrash: where i put URL
whiitethrash: you put the url to whatever you want the link to go to
gemath y: oh. my. god.
gemath y: wtf
whiitethrash: thewordsyouwanttoshowup = the words that take you to the link
whiitethrash: duh.
gemath y: what planet are you on?
gemath y: you haven't been on the same page all day
gemath y: you can't even follow along
whiitethrash: what do you want.
whiitethrash: ahaha
gemath y: I want you to learn how to read
gemath y: gemath y: I can't get the code you typed out in our convo
gemath y: to not make a url
whiitethrash: i want you to learn HTML by yourself.
gemath y: gemath y: I can't get the code you typed out in our convo
gemath y: to not make a url
gemath y: NOT NOT
whiitethrash: i know
whiitethrash: but why would you not want it to
gemath y: BECAUSE IT'S NOT A FUCKING LINK TO ANYTHING
gemath y: IT'S YOU TELLING ME HOW TO WRITE CODE
gemath y: AND IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE
whiitethrash: OH MY GOD
gemath y: IF IT IS A URL TO NOWHERE
gemath y: AND NOT WRITTEN CODE
whiitethrash: ARE YOU POSTING IT
whiitethrash: IS THAT WHY
gemath y: YES JESUS CHRIST
whiitethrash: SORRY THAT YOU DIDNT TELL ME WHAT IT WAS FOR
gemath y: FOLLOW THE FUCK ALONG
whiitethrash: I HATE YOU
whiitethrash: I HATE YOU ALWAYS AND FOREVER
whiitethrash: WELL TAKE OUT THE WORDSYOUWANT...
whiitethrash: ANDJUSTCLOSEIT
whiitethrash:
gemath y: gemath y: I can't get the code you typed out in our convo
gemath y: to not make a url
gemath y: that's the part that says I was trying to post our convo
gemath y: that part
gemath y: and then the second half of that tells you what I was trying to do
whiitethrash: i thought you messed up your english
gemath y: you need to fucking read sasha
whiitethrash: and you meant
whiitethrash: something else
whiitethrash: gem stop
gemath y: no
whiitethrash: you're being so aggressive.
gemath y: you messed up your english
gemath y: well, imagine what it's like to talk to yourself sasha.
gemath y: imagine it
whiitethrash: hahahaha
gemath y: and try not to jump out the window while you're doing it.
gemath y: also, you still haven't told me how to fix it
gemath y: and I don't want to sit around for 10 minutes while you get around to answering me either
whiitethrash: well
whiitethrash: figure it out
whiitethrash: more spaces
whiitethrash: or take out the first
whiitethrash: <
whiitethrash: or just do
gemath y: gemath y: I've tried spaces and . in random spots
gemath y: and it doesn't work
whiitethrash: [wrote the same damn code again]
gemath y: and that shows up as nothing
whiitethrash: then do
whiitethrash: [wrote more code that doesn't help]
whiitethrash: but dont close it
gemath y: I fixed it all on my own
gemath y: without your help
whiitethrash: nice.
gemath y: none of your suggestions worked
whiitethrash: fine.
gemath y: now I am going to start to breathe
whiitethrash: no
whiitethrash: dont breathe.
whiitethrash: ever again
whiitethrash: pls.
gemath y: you just want the blog all to yourself
gemath y: still, it won't post
gemath y: it won't post sasha
whiitethrash: i dont care.
gemath y: it won't post
gemath y: you don't care?
whiitethrash: whiitethrash: i dont care.
gemath y: oh
gemath y: ok
gemath y: I hope you get shoved in an oven then
whiitethrash: hhahaha
gemath y: so the post I actually wrote
gemath y: it's not very funny is it?
whiitethrash: i liked it
gemath y: but it's a good wfi
whiitethrash: yes
whiitethrash: and thats what its all about
gemath y: but do you like it because you want me to be the less funny one?
whiitethrash: meghan
whiitethrash: i have always been
whiitethrash: the less funny one

Gem asks for help.

gemath y: and now I can't right click without highlighting the whole paragraph
gemath y: wtf
gemath y: I HATE THIS BLOG
whiitethrash: [wrote an example of proper code]
gemath y: I KNOW
gemath y: I FUCKING KNOW
whiitethrash: OKAY
whiitethrash: OKAY
gemath y: I AM TRYING THAT
gemath y: OKAY
gemath y: YOU AREN'T PAYING ATTENTION
gemath y: HOW CAN WE BLOG WHEN YOU DON'T EVEN LISTEN TO ME?!?!?
whiitethrash: I DONT KNOW WHAT YOU NEED
whiitethrash: OMG
whiitethrash: OMGOMG
whiitethrash: SHOULD WE BLOG THIS?
gemath y: NO!
gemath y: THAT IS MY IDEA
gemath y: YOU SHOULDN'T DO A DAMN THING MORE
gemath y: BLOG TAKER-OVER
gemath y: ER
whiitethrash: hahaha
whiitethrash: I ONLY DO THE BLOG TO GET YOU TO WANT TO TALK TO ME.
gemath y: oh jesus christ
gemath y: don't start your poor me jew bs
whiitethrash: hahaha
whiitethrash: you better blog this whoooole thing.
whiitethrash: so everyone can see how much better you are than i am.
gemath y: stop telling me what to blog you dough
gemath y: and I am editing that
gemath y: to say douche
gemath y: ok?
gemath y: got it?
whiitethrash: ahahaha
whiitethrash: no please
whiitethrash: call me dough.
gemath y: you and katherine heigl
gemath y: doughy
whiitethrash: <33333
whiitethrash: loves.
gemath y: so, I've called you sasha on the blog
gemath y: in our convos
gemath y: should I refer to myself as Meghan or gem?
whiitethrash: doesnt matter.
whiitethrash: its not hard to sort it out.
whiitethrash: dont forget to tag it
gemath y: HOW DOES THAT ANSWER MY QUESTION!?!?!?!!?
gemath y: should I call myself meghan or gem
gemath y: jesus christ
whiitethrash: hahaha
whiitethrash: meghan.
gemath y: ok
gemath y: thank you
whiitethrash: you're welcomish.
gemath y: :rolleyes: