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2.14.09

Halloween '08

vietnamese friend:
i will be a graduated cylinder at some point in my life
i swear it
i would wear a cylinder with a graduation cap
tell me that is not the most genius idea ever

whiitethrash:
oh wow
yeah
also
you found a way to make halloween
not fun

vietnamese babies.

Vietnamesefriend:
im an aunt!
for some reason i really dont like the word aunt
it sounds too much like an old antique that sits in the attic

whiitethrash:
what's her name?
tha?
the?
tho?

Vietnamesefriend:
grace

whiitethrash:
thy?
oh.
hahaha
how racist of me!


Vietnamesefriend:
asshole

whiitethrash:
i take it all back!


Vietnamesefriend:
my dads name is tho
asshole

whiitethrash:
i dont know about you
but i'm laughing pretty hard over here.

attribute specifics!!!!!! (that's an order!!)

whiitethrash: you must see lars and the real girl.

vietnamesefriend: my friend just saw it the other day and said it was terribly depressing

whiitethrash: no!! it was heartwarming!

whiitethrash: your friend is autistic!

WFI Does Hospice

vietnam friend:
did i tell you about my hospice lady
she and i play uno together
that is my job. i keep her company and we play games

whiitethrash:
i love uno.

vietnam friend:
so...i hadnt yet decided if a. she is senile b. doesnt know how to play uno or c. cheats

whiitethrash:
there's an episode of home improvement
where randy does hospice.
randy does hospice.
worst porn movie ever?

vietnam friend:
haha what?
im going to finish my story
okay
im not sure where porn fits into the mix here

whiitethrash:
debbie does dallas
randy does hospice.

vietnam friend:
ah
anyway. there really was no rhyme or reason
to anything she did before
she would just put cards down

whiitethrash:
oh
i thought we were talking about debbie
hahahahaha

vietnam friend:
so i was like ill roll with it, if she pauses then its my turn and ill follow the rules
except last wk
everytime i put a skip card or +4 card down she would ignore it
but whenever she would put one down, she would be like..thats a skip
or draw four
and then
at one pt
she put a blue 7 down
and then i put a blue 0
she starts drawing cards

whiitethrash:
so basically you're playing uno

vietnam friend:
she picks up about 4

whiitethrash:
with the worlds oldest
sickest

vietnam friend:
and then

whiitethrash
cheater.

vietnam friend:
she picks up
my blue 0
for about 3 seconds
and then puts it back down
and looks at me to go
and i was like...thats my card
and she said no, its mine

whiitethrash:
this is the best story
i am WFIing it.

vietnamfriend:
i was like
what
i seriously almost died laughing
but had to be professional?

whiite thrash:
this woman sounds like a blast.
is it her suggestion to play uno?

vietnam friend:
yes
i tried to teach her go fish once
but she has rather large hands that arent particulary adept and she couldnt hold all of them

whiitethrash:
play guess who!

vietnam friend:
she didnt understand that if you got a card you asked for you could ask again
she also didnt understand that if you didnt get the card you asked for you couldnt go again
she has a really really heavy jamaican accent
that i dont understand

vietnam friend:
guess who would be really unfortunate for me...
if you try to buy me guess who for my birthday ill kill you

oh god oh god oh god oh god

i caught a scorpion in my room.

did you hear me?

SCORPION IN MY ROOM.


vietnamfriend: i know many people who have found scorpions
whiitethrash: it only takes one, thu.
vietnamfriend: but only one
vietnamfriend: but you got it?
vietnamfriend: sasha
whiitethrash: if i had a gun
whiitethrash: with one bullet
whiitethrash: i could still kill you.
whiitethrash: do you understand??
whiitethrash: or is that analogy horrific.


AAAAHHH!!!!


in other NEWWWSSS!!! Gem is on a flight back to boston as we speak. hopefully she had some horrible ideas in seattle (like wrecking her rental car) and will tell us about them. i shall not post any more until then. toodles!

Miss Vietnahm*

whiitethrash: are you really doing miss vietnam?
vietnamese friend: i dont know
vietnamese friend: haha
vietnamese friend: did you find the website
whiitethrash: no
whiitethrash: but i am about to
whiitethrash: and i want you to
whiitethrash: so i can cheer you on
whiitethrash: youd have to make me signs
whiitethrash: in vietnamese
whiitethrash: okay, here it is
whiitethrash: and first of all
whiitethrash: the girl on the left
whiitethrash: is not vietnamese
whiitethrash: she is indian.
vietnamese friend: lol
whiitethrash: 2ndly
vietnamese friend: shes probably part
whiitethrash: the girl 2nd from the right
whiitethrash: is hispanic
whiitethrash: and miss congeniality is obviously chinese
whiitethrash: this is all wrong.
whiitethrash: rebecca jasmine??
vietnamese friend: haha
whiitethrash: theres a slight possibility
whiitethrash: she's jewish.

question: is being in the miss vietnam pageant the worst fucking idea? or is me going and cheering her on from the audience while holding a sign that says something in vietnamese the worst fucking idea? or are they both super awesome ideas? well i'll tell you what the best fucking idea was, and that was having girls who are blatantly not vietnamese (or asian!) winning! viva rigged competitions/bribery/liars!!!



*NAHM. i did it on purpose.