love and marriage.

me: So, Nellie just got engaged and is getting married probably in September.
my mom: But she is so young! [she's my age btw]
me: Well, whatever.
my mom: So how does that make you feel?
me: Like I'm 24, live with my parents and can't keep a job.

cat...nap?

job hunt: back on.

after a mildly successful experience as a substitute teacher (I actually will have only gone to work 29 times since my hire date back in October [but it was the end of October!!!]. but before you criticize me, my track record isn't even that bad!! considering thanksgiving break, christmas break, my whole "i'm in israel" thing, and my affinity for recreational drug use, i don't think i did thaaaat badly), i am now left without a job. if there is one thing republicans are good at, it's cutting education funding (amirite??). oh, arizona, you silly goose; welcome to your own personal WFI!

i guess it's time to work on that screen play i keep telling Gem and Christopher i'm writing.

craig's list

Google Search

While checking our fucking amazing and mind blowing reader stats (7 readers a day?? 5 of them are me, but who are the other two?!?!) - I noticed we got a hit off Google (I think it's hilarious that I just linked to Google BTW. Anyone else? Other two??). The search was for "best fucking idea".

We were the second site listed.

So obviously, Google either sucks, or is totally in on the joke.

"WFI that, cuz I'll really do it" - Gem

2.14.09

AIM

Yeesh.

Ellie J

Text messages my friend Ellie doesn't respond to:

•ellliiieeeee! i miss you let's hang out!
•wanna get baked?? drinks??
•hello?? are you alive??


Text messages my friend Ellie does respond to:

•danity kane is coming to phx!!!
•aubrey from danity kane is so gross now
•wtf is evan rachel wood's problem?!?!

e-mails i sent my mother from israel while on my birthright trip.

1/7/09
okay sooo i think my phone works here but of course i cant seem to make outgoing calls but i can check my email from it. so yeah. im on a bus to haifa right now. i made some friends at the airport. but everyone seems like, pretty jewy. there are some cool guys though. its pretty early to tell though. our group is small, only 35. the food is good. and our guard is suuuper handsome. we are supposed to get like, 8 soldiers joining us but they may all get called to gaza. i hope we get some though. nathan and i are going to try and score some drugs today. bye!!

1/8/09
i just hiked golan. or rather, for three hours i took frequent breaks and breathed heavily while tearing my pants and getting sunburned. same thing. im an indoor girl.

1/8/09
back to the kibbutz for a dinner or hummus and vegetables. i am at fat camp. jewish fat camp. anyway. then we went to what we were told were hot springs you can swim in. but really it was more like a turkish bath house that reaked of sulphr and chest hair - whatever that smells like - i did not go in.

1/9/09
yesterday we hung out in tel aviv. today we ride camels, go to the bedouin tents and at 4am tomorrow we hike masada, followed by a nature hike and then the dead sea. i hope i sprain my ankle so i dont have to do any of those things.

1/12/09
i survived the bedouin tent experience, aka sleeping in a sleeping bag on a rug in a tent with 40 other people and three bathroom stalls; in my memoirs this chapter will be called 'reasons why i didnt join the peace corps'.

The Real Rules

Actually, what I said was:

1. Be fun.
2. Don't ruin my days off.
3. Don't annoy me by not wanting to do anything.

She hasn't fucked up yet.

(O HAI JORDAN!)

Back in Boston; or, Hello Jordan!

i came back to boston to hang out with gem before i get shipped off to israel for a ten day "excursion" through my holy land; war? what war?!

gem was sure to give me some ground rules before i even arrived. i'm a terrible listener and have never been one for "specifics", so here is what i imagine gem's rules were:

1. don't fucking make me miserable
2. don't complain about anything ever
3. don't be a bitch

and of course that last rule is crossed off because she doesn't think that's possible. or rather, i should say she WOULDN'T think that's possible since this is my imagined list of her rules. since i wasn't listening.

an open letter to

Dear "Real Teacher",

Hello, it's me, "The Substitute". No, we've never actually met, but I've heard a lot about you and I have played with everything in the top drawer of your desk. I've also learned that the password to your computer isn't "worksucks", "iamsobored", "happyhour", "nsync" or "ilikecats". Honestly, the first four were more about me than about you, but I was really shocked that the one about cats didn't work. I'm going to keep trying to crack it though, because you didn't leave me any lesson plans and I dismissed the kids shortly after taking attendance, but I don't get paid unless I stay until 3.

You're an asshole, "Real Teacher".

Sincerely,
Your Sub