whiitethrash: oh man are you ready for a great story
roommatekirsten: YESSS
whiitethrash:
so i get there
his only instructions were
"from warner, make a left, two blocks a right, then a right, then a left, then the blue van is in the driveway"
roommatekirsten: AHAHAHA
did you find it?
whiitethrash:
yes
and its a total creepster van
old conversion van
dirty
cracked windows
and im like
oh god
roommatekirsten:
was he inside the van?
wearing a clown mask
whiitethrash:
and there isnt a door in the front of the house you have to go around the back
so i go around back
and ring the doorbell
and no answer
and the backyard/patio is like, 2 feet from the door
and theres no fence or anything
so i hear him back there
and peek around the corner
and introduce myself
and he is this tall
skinny
old man
with a beard
and missing teeth
and wearing velcro shoes
roommatekirsten:
oh. he must be friendly
!!!
velcro shoes
and a beard!
whiitethrash
and his shorts were pulled really high
roommatekirsten
ahaha
cute
whiitethrash
and he had a NAVY hat on
and he was like
oh sasha! oh no! i tried to call you
and he sounded sad
and he was like
i can't find that bike...
i dont know where i put it..
roommatekirsten
ahahahahahahahahahaha
whiitethrash
meanwhile i saw the bike in the driveway
roommatekirsten
BAHAHAHAHAHA
whiitethrash
and i was like - oh i think i saw it out front
and he was like
no its not there...
but i have all these others bikes!
roommatekirsten
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH
whiitethrash
he had like, ten other bikes around and was all...
so i can give you one of these for 30!
this is the prettiest bike!
and he pulls out some shit junk purple bike
and he was like
i think you should have the prettiest bike!
roommatekirsten
OMG!
whiitethrash
and i checked it out
and he's telling me how he loves bikes cuz he has titanium hips and weak knees.
i'm not sure the connection between all that...
roommatekirsten
i love this man
whiitethrash
so i was like
its good
for 30$ its great
and you are the cutest old smelly toothless man ever
and he's like
do you have a helmet?
hahahaha
roommatekirsten
ahahahahahahahaha
whiitethrash
and i was like
OH FOR SURE
BUT I DIDNT BRING IT!
and he was like, good! everyone should wear a helmet!
roommatekirsten
ahahahaha
whiitethrash
let me show you what i can do!
roommatekirsten
this man is awesome
whiitethrash
and he got on the bike
roommatekirsten
abahahahahaha
whiitethrash
and proceeded to ride it
through the grass
to the driveway
and past my car
which is blatantly in the driveway
he stops and is all, "where did you park?"
uh, right here sir!
hahaha
so we go over to my car
and put it in the trunk
and hes like
BMW - that's a fine machine!
and i was like
if only you knew...
and he didn't want to scratch the paint
so he props the bike up on stuff i had in my trunk
and then he's like
let me get you a bungee cord!
so the trunk will stay closed!
and he gets me one out of the creeper van
and then shakes my hand
and tells me i have the prettiest bike
and then i left!
i actually think it needs new tires, but it's fine for now, and i don't even care cuz the story is just so good.
so yeah. here's the bike i went to get:
here's the bike i got...:
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