Saturday, September 15, 2007

a night of brandi carlile: or, another reason why i am "sorta gay".

so last night i randomly decided to go to the brandi carlile show because i heard she's pretty good.

okay okay, i'll admit it: i have been planning all month to go because i fucking love her albums.


obviously i don't feel that my owning every single juliana hatfield album (including imports and singles!!!), six jordana brewster movies, three kelly clarkson posters (and her calendar) and two pairs of GAP Boyfriend jeans is gay enough, so i sometimes feel the need to seek out live music by lesbian icons. and i've been doing it for years!!!!

but last night was different...because somehow, despite the beautiful calming sound of an acoustic guitar and two bald men harmonizing background vocals...

i got into a verbal altercation with two blonde, drunk, thirty something california girls women womyn drunk whores.

the story isn't even that great. in fact the only really great part about it was that it happened at a brandi carlile show!! who does that??!! so here it is in short:

two girls = super drunk and super loud. there is nothing wrong with talking at a concert, but there is something cuuuuhraaazyyyy when your voice carries over the music, which is being run through AMPLIFIERS. like woah! i can hear every syllable! every single syllAAAAAble!!

the group behind these girls had asked them to quiet down, resulting in their extremely rude, obnoxious, middle-school like response of "NO WE AREN'T. YOU CAN MOVE THEN. OHMYGOD CALM DOWN." followed by them talking shit about the group who asked them to be quiet, but loudly enough for them to hear it - you know what i mean? there was also some neck action/snapping in the face and it was just lame.

and then i felt it... one of them tapped on my back... she wanted to talk to me...

"hey can i ask you a question??? are we being too loud??"

keep in mind, the show is going on. music is being played. and yes, they were being loud.

my response?

"well, do you want me to make up an answer? or tell you the truth? i can do either, i'm super good at making stuff up."

eek! people are watching!

blahblahblah, then they got all offended, and i tried to calm them down...

"you're drunk, you're loud, just quiet down and have fun! it's cool! we're all friends here!"

oh no! the extra drunk friend responds with, "I'M NOT DRUNK AND WE AREN'T BEING LOUD!" oh no, she put her finger in my face. IN MY FACE.

oh no, my passive aggressive form of confrontation (aka my PAFoC) kicks in and i say: "lady, that is the biggest lie i've heard all week. ALL WEEK LONG. since last saturday. the biggest, worst, lamest lie i have ever heard. out of the hundreds of lies i have heard in the last seven days, yours is number one. liar liar liar! now just shut up!"

OH MY GOD. i turned around before she could punch me in the face pour her beer in my hair call me fat, and when i looked back later on - they were both gone.... [ooooOOOOooooOOOOooOoohHHhhhh....!!] and that's when the praise came from the surrounding concert goers. shaking my hand, patting me on the back and i believe someone threw out "you're my hero" or two. no, seriously! aint no thang!

i don't know what the WFI was here, but i just had to share that story.

also, here is my favorite piece of dialogue from the evening. setting: the nastiest dive bar of all time, in the back alley where everyone goes to smoke cigarettes. players: drunk Sarah, her friend Wasted Emily, and a Random Girl eating a Slim Jim.

drunk sarah and wasted emily are rolling their own cigarettes. wasted emily is wearing cut off shorts, and drunk sarah is wearing a wife beater.

Wasted Emily to Random Girl: I hope you don't think we're trashy cuz we're rolling our own cigarettes!!

drunk sarah: ::giggle!::

Random Girl: i'm eating a slim jim!!!!

alright! that's it! bye!

1 comment:

Ash Luu said...

That's why I don't go to concerts as often as I'd like. Too many stupid bitches who ruin your time! But kudos to you. That was courageous. Wish I was there to witness it.