Tuesday, June 26, 2007

shipping is freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

gemath y: living in jamaica spain means I can get any flavor goya soda I want any time I want
whiitethrash: i need to go buy the new kelly clarksonnn
gemath y: yeah
gemath y: I think it might be the first record I buy
gemath y: just on principle
whiitethrash: i didnt buy the paramore cd cuz i was holding out for kelly.
whiitethrash: i think im just gunna amazon it cuz i dont wanna go to the store.
whiitethrash: but rather, would prefer to have it shipped to me.
whiitethrash: and its only 9.99
gemath y: you are so lazy
whiitethrash: no i just dont live near a record store
whiitethrash: i aint in the cityyyy
gemath y: how far could the closest one be
whiitethrash: plus i have zerooo gas
whiitethrash: 5 miles
whiitethrash: hahaha
whiitethrash: but its a best buy
whiitethrash: and i dont wanna go inside
gemath y: are you serious
gemath y: you are so so lazy
whiitethrash: YES.
whiitethrash: i dont have any gas!
whiitethrash: shut up.
gemath y: get gas?
whiitethrash: i dont have any money.
whiitethrash: duh.
gemath y: you'll have to get gas at some point?
whiitethrash: i need what gas i do have to go pick up a check and take it to the bank.


whiitethrash: i need to spend
whiitethrash: $3
whiitethrash: to get my shipping for free on amazon
whiitethrash: what do i get!!!
gemath y: sasha
gemath y: isn't gas like $3 a gallon?
whiitethrash: 3.06
gemath y: ...
whiitethrash: dude
whiitethrash: i just dont want to put pants on
whiitethrash: okay?
whiitethrash: OKAY?
whiitethrash: I SAID IT.
gemath y: you can get your shipping free if you go out?
whiitethrash: god damn it
gemath y: put a skirt on then
gemath y: lazy brat
whiitethrash: i dont own a skirt
gemath y: hahaa
gemath y: really?
whiitethrash: i have that one i wore to the wedding
whiitethrash: its in phx
whiitethrash: and it wont go well with my chicago bulls tshirt
whiitethrash: im ready from the waste up
whiitethrash: makeup
whiitethrash: perfume
whiitethrash: hair
whiitethrash: earrings
whiitethrash: shirt
whiitethrash: im just in sweatpants.
gemath y: put pants on.
gemath y: go in sweatpants!
whiitethrash: no!
gemath y: shipping is freeeeee
whiitethrash: hahaha
whiitethrash: <3333333 free
gemath y: don't spend more money!
gemath y: sunchips are maybe the only delicious chip in the world
whiitethrash: haha

Friday, June 22, 2007


i wont contact them because my ass is not "haggard". but gem might want to.

Thursday, June 7, 2007

An Open Letter to...

Dear Unemployment,

We don’t know each other that well, so let's not make this any harder than it has to be. My name is Sasha Lewis, and I need you to let me go. It's that simple. You wont miss me, I swear. I have a lot of experience in being let go - and trust me, it's always for the better, and rarely does anyone give it a second thought.

I mean, what exactly are you accomplishing by continuing to hang around? It can’t possibly be entertaining for you. Do you think you’re raining on my parade or something? Because I have never had, nor been part of, any parade. Maybe you think you’re keeping me from participating in the activities that I enjoy? Well FYI, I've smoked way more pot and eaten way more chocolate since you came around than I did before we ever met. And not only was I able re-watch (yeah, that’s right, I said RE watch) America's Next Top Model Cycles 1 and 2, but I also got to RE watch (that’s right, I said it again) Cycles 3, 4, 5, 6 and 7 as well. (And you know what 7 rhymes with, right? Heaven, mmhmm.) And what’s more, I never even liked paying rent, so that’s not an issue either. Sure, I had to move back to Tucson to live with my parents, but there's always food in the fridge, $10 to borrow, and all the movie channels a girl could dream of. So hey, it's not so bad.

I know what you're thinking right now. You're wondering why I would ask to be let go if I seem to be enjoying your presence so much. Well, the truth of the matter is that I don't have an answer for that. A little spending money wouldn’t hurt though. I'm low on lip gloss, and could use a new pair of sneakers and a few new books to scatter around the house so that people think I’m well educated. And I know I said I don't like paying rent, but my roommate, Kirsten, well she really, really likes [read: LOVES] when I do pay rent - so I probably should throw down a little something something, just for her. Ya know? (BTW - she's unemployed too. But it's cool if you keep her on your team, her Jewish boyfriend is super rich.)

And yes, I do know that there are millions of people out there who have put in way more time with you than I have (I'm pretty sure my dad has been a member of your club for the last thirty years) and some of them probably deserve to get out of the big black hole of eviction, credit card debt, and utter hopelessness that you’ve sunk them into, way more than I do (however I am not referring to the ones that gamble, drink excessively and do hard drugs. Or the ones that vote Republican. I definitely should get to go ahead of them.). Again, I have no real response to that, I just need you to know that I’m aware of the situation. You know what I else I need to you know? That I need a fucking job, you little bitch. There are a million more fish in the sea, big U - I think you even have an appointment scheduled with my brother for late next week – you don’t need me taking up space.

If that still doesn't convince you to free me from your sweaty, calloused, life-ruining, demon hands, then just remember this: I have all the time in the world to sit here, in my air conditioned bungalow, on the purple leather couch (not joking), watching a DVR overflowing with Degrassi episodes, to write you a letter each and every day. And they will just get longer and longer and more and more annoying and you will have to read them all just because I said so. They will be filled with grammatical errors and written illegibly by hand, in red ball point pen, on wide ruled notebook paper without the perforated edges. You don't want that. No one wants that.

Well, I guess that sums it up, Sir. I hope you’ll consider forgetting about me, for the time being. At least for the summer. Don’t be sad, I’m almost positive we’ll see each other again soon.

Sasha Lewis

we have to decided to be KISS for halloween.

roommate kirsten: i think we shoud just wear black outfits and accesorise [sic] with some silver
roommate kirsten: because their shirts look a little low in the front

Monday, June 4, 2007

Things I Think About When I Am Sitting On The Couch (And By "Sitting" I Mean "Laying Down"):

•Tomorrow I will write my screenplay/mockumentary/musical/children's book.

•I should start to write my biography, entitled, "How to Get Through College in Five Years Without Doing too Much", but Meghan isn't online, so I'll do that tomorrow.

•Maybe I should apply for a job that isn't listed on Craigslist...but there's not enough time today, so I will do that tomorrow.

•I should wash my hair...but I have no plans for today, so I will do it tomorrow, because I might actually leave the house tomorrow, and then I'll have fresh hair.

•I need to get all the dust off the ceiling fan cuz i think it's affecting my allergies. (there is no set time frame)

•I sure could use a daily serving of vegetables. Maybe I can put V8 in my vodka? I will buy some tomorrow.

Sunday, June 3, 2007

WFI: Packing to move, BFI: Procrastinating.

Dear Whole Foods store in Brighton, MA,

First, I am an adult, I promise. And, while this may seem like whining, I really don't want it to come off that way. What might be unimportant to your staff made a pretty major change in my schedule. And, for that, I pretty much hate you guys.

So, I am moving and need some boxes. Moving can be a pretty stressful thing as I'm sure you know well and I am relying on two days off (one of them being today) to accomplish packing. Last year, you guys were really kind to save some for me. This year, I decided to call you again for boxes to move. Yeah, sure, carrying 7 boxes back to my apartment in oppressive humidity last July was fairly intolerable, but the obtainment of the boxes was so smooth thanks to a larger older fellow, I decided to try again. Plus, the weather this weekend is so much cooler. So, I called ahead last night to see if there were boxes available and after an odd and confusing exchange at the front desk where a woman told me there would be no boxes available because they are all immediately compacted and there wouldn't be any until the next day however there won't actually be any tomorrow (Sunday), I was thankfully transferred to grocery. There, a young guy told me there WERE boxes and I asked if he could stick a post-it note on them to save them for me when I pick them up at 10 am in the morning. He said that was totally unnecessary, no one would touch them and to call in the morning. So, I did. And another young guy this morning says no, there are no boxes saved and no boxes available and to call back at 1pm.

Well, that was 9:30am and I planned to start packing after picking the boxes up at 10am. This really puts a huge delay in my whole schedule. Not just my packing schedule, but my LIFE schedule. I feel like I did everything I could possibly do to make sure I would have boxes and your store lacks a proper system to assist customers with their amateur recycling endeavors. This wasn't a last minute dash at all. I called ahead! Twice! And not one, but two people lied to me. Hell, maybe even more. At this point, the process of collecting these boxes was so botched and laden with misinformation, I can't figure out where it all when wrong.

So, I know this isn't a big deal in the grocery world, but, in Meghan world, it was a really annoying inconvenience and a major setback to moving forward in my life; pun intended. If your staff was more organized, informed, and possibly more friendly (read: not imbecilic liars), I don't think this would have happened today. After reviewing your Core Values, I'd say this issue is violating at least 4 of them. Above all, this interaction with your staff lacked integrity and respect. If your stores are charging so much for groceries, you should probably train your staff in basic customer service. And, also, stop hiring liars.

Most sincerely,

I fucking hate moving.