Sunday, December 31, 2006

the origins of the blog.

The Idear

whiite thrAsh: hellloooo
gemath y: hi
whiite thrAsh: hi!
gemath y: hi
whiite thrAsh: HI.
gemath y: hi
whiite thrAsh: what is with
whiite thrAsh: people loving
whiite thrAsh: mary j blige
gemath y: she's cool
whiite thrAsh: wrong.
gemath y: she's a really great singer
gemath y: she's been through a lot
gemath y: she's smart
gemath y: she's mildly attractive
whiite thrAsh: she is annoying
whiite thrAsh: and bitchy
gemath y: and she's done a lot of different music things
whiite thrAsh: her songs
whiite thrAsh: are nothing special.
gemath y: she's one famous black lady that doesn't bother me
whiite thrAsh: that is
whiite thrAsh: a great sentence
whiite thrAsh: completely out of context.
whiite thrAsh: actually
whiite thrAsh: in context
whiite thrAsh: its still pretty good.
gemath y: it's all around good
gemath y: because it's very true
whiite thrAsh: so hello.
gemath y: hi
gemath y: I hate when people sing the carol of the bells
whiite thrAsh: what is that
gemath y: and they say gaily singing songs blah balh the cheer of christmas is here
gemath y: and they say cheer like chee
gemath y: with no r
gemath y: which is followed by are
gemath y: so ti sounds like chia
gemath y: the chia christmas
gemath y: carol of the bells is the one that's really fast
whiite thrAsh: humm
whiite thrAsh: no idea
gemath y: like hark silver bells sweet silver bells
gemath y: ding dong ding dong
gemath y: it's really fast
gemath y: it's in like, every commerical ever
whiite thrAsh: hark the herald angels sing?
gemath y: no
whiite thrAsh: that one?
whiite thrAsh: oh
gemath y: carol of the bells
gemath y: you douche
whiite thrAsh: hahahaa
whiite thrAsh: my jewsish ancestors apoligizes.
gemath y:
whiite thrAsh: ooooh
whiite thrAsh: home alone when he is setting up the boobytraps!
gemath y: who knows
whiite thrAsh: duh
whiite thrAsh: thats all you had to say.
gemath y: gaily they ring while people sing songs of good chia christmas is here
whiite thrAsh: those are pretty bad lyrics.
gemath y: chia
gemath y: this is like zen dipped in carmel dipped in chocolate good
gemath y: it's like getting a food massage WHILE shoe shopping
whiite thrAsh: that girl
whiite thrAsh: is a lesbian.
whiite thrAsh: so dont believe anything she says
gemath y: how is yogurt the perfect pedestal to hawk yogurt with the most retarded unfunny stereotypes
gemath y: I know
gemath y: she was in the murmurs wasn't she?
gemath y: and on boy meets world
whiite thrAsh: yeah
gemath y: worst fucking idea
gemath y: the board room on that was like
gemath y: lets have two women in white robes eating yogurt talking about the things they love to do
gemath y: what do women like to do?
gemath y: I don't really know, but I am sure it has something to do with chocolate and shoes...
gemath y: wtf
whiite thrAsh: hahaha
gemath y: like black people even LIKE yogurt
gemath y: they don't
whiite thrAsh: haahaha
whiite thrAsh: i have never seen a black person eating yogurt.
gemath y: me. either.
gemath y: also, the only black people I know are vegan or haitian
gemath y: yogurt is not really part of the diet
gemath y: mostly, the black people I see eating are eating chips, sprite, lollipops, or those hot fries
gemath y: and licking their dirty fingers
gemath y: also the black people I see are teenagers
whiite thrAsh: hahaha
gemath y: omg
gemath y: cheers is on right now!
whiite thrAsh: omg
whiite thrAsh: dumb
gemath y: oh man
gemath y: WHAT A FAKE
gemath y: it was a fenway park montage to the theme song
gemath y: I am so pissed
gemath y: I hate tv
whiite thrAsh: you like cheers??
gemath y: I love cheers
gemath y: it's awesome
whiite thrAsh: i never got into it.
whiite thrAsh: but i love kirstie.
gemath y: duh yoooo kno whut one dawg saiddo the otha dawg at fenway pahk?
whiite thrAsh: you are in such a mood right now.
gemath y: did you guess the answer?
whiite thrAsh: no idea.
whiite thrAsh: woof/
gemath y: ketchuph!
gemath y: no hot dogs losah
whiite thrAsh: ohhh
whiite thrAsh: hahahaha
whiite thrAsh: stop!
gemath y: stop whaaa?
gemath y: one phrase I hate people saying is
gemath y: tha truth a tha mattah is...
whiite thrAsh: i hate
whiite thrAsh: in my honest opinion
gemath y: I hate in my humble opinion
gemath y: or when people do the imho
gemath y: yes, yes you are a ho
whiite thrAsh: i HATE that
gemath y: because they're usually prefacing a really NOT humble opinion
gemath y: and they're just trying to be condescending
gemath y: while shoving their opinion at your face
gemath y: I bet they spit when they talk too
gemath y: they're those kind of people
gemath y: they
gemath y: shoe shopping for chocolate covered heels
gemath y: FUCK. YOU. LEZ.
whiite thrAsh: mm double stuff oreos
gemath y: my dad is fixing the camera so I can make my audition tape btw
whiite thrAsh: yes!
whiite thrAsh: im gunna be so jealous when you get stupid hot after the show
gemath y: I love how I keep talking like I am actually on the show already
whiite thrAsh: i think
whiite thrAsh: you and i
whiite thrAsh: could have our own show
whiite thrAsh: or blog
whiite thrAsh: best blog ever
gemath y: blog is too much effort isn't it?
whiite thrAsh: cuz we're funnier than perez
gemath y: let's start it
whiite thrAsh: i dont even know how to begin
gemath y: just set something up
gemath y: and we can both have the password
gemath y: and we'll just write entries
gemath y: funny things
gemath y: and links and stories
whiite thrAsh: k
gemath y: and don't give the link out to anyone until we're sure it's funny.
gemath y: if it ends up being stupid, we will give up
gemath y: and just try to get a tv show

whiite thrAsh: whats our title?
gemath y: you think of it
gemath y: can we change it?
whiite thrAsh: i think so
gemath y: bi...
gemath y: bihilarious
gemath y: bifunny
gemath y: get it?
gemath y: it's cause we're straight lesbos? and hilarious?
whiite thrAsh: yes
gemath y: uhhhh
whiite thrAsh: that can be our url
whiite thrAsh: bifunny
gemath y: it makes me giggle
whiite thrAsh: omg youre gnna love it
gemath y: love what?
whiite thrAsh:
whiite thrAsh: hahahaha
gemath y: awesome!
whiite thrAsh: i am LOLing
gemath y: so good
gemath y: we can write about all the stupid ideas we have
gemath y: like going on the biggest loser
whiite thrAsh: maybe it should be like
whiite thrAsh: sorta like us responding to each other?
gemath y: yes
gemath y: like a journal where someone answers you
whiite thrAsh: like
whiite thrAsh: a dialogue between us
gemath y: remember when we used to do that with posts?
whiite thrAsh: between two internet friends
gemath y: and you'd be like
gemath y: check now
gemath y: posted
whiite thrAsh: yes haha
whiite thrAsh: and once we have like
whiite thrAsh: a lot of material
gemath y: post2u!
whiite thrAsh: we can start telling people about it
gemath y: yeah
gemath y: and this idea
whiite thrAsh: omg im excited
gemath y: the idea of having it and getting 'material'
gemath y: will be one of the worst fucking ideas
whiite thrAsh: hahaha
gemath y: numero uno!
whiite thrAsh: when we end the blog
whiite thrAsh: we can be like
whiite thrAsh: wasnt this blog
whiite thrAsh: the worst fucking idea?
whiite thrAsh: hahaha
gemath y: hhaha
whiite thrAsh: lets write our profile
gemath y: I love how we already have the 'ending' written
gemath y: like there is ever an ending for blogs
whiite thrAsh: hahaha
gemath y: u so stupid sill-eeee
gemath y: can I sign in?
gemath y: walk me through it
whiite thrAsh: ill tell you in a minute
gemath y: are you going to be yogurtz?
gemath y: cause that's gay
whiite thrAsh: well its always guna sign it with something there
whiite thrAsh: we can change it to whatever
whiite thrAsh: WFI
gemath y: hmmm
whiite thrAsh: we have to individually sign our names
gemath y: what do I want to be called.
whiite thrAsh: each time we post something
gemath y: k
gemath y: what do you want to be called
whiite thrAsh: are we using fake names?
gemath y: you can post your art and I can make fun of it
gemath y: so awesome
whiite thrAsh: yeah
whiite thrAsh: that should be a first.
gemath y: well, let's do fake ones until we get superfamous
whiite thrAsh: hahaha
gemath y: yes
gemath y: I don't mind being gem
whiite thrAsh: hummm
whiite thrAsh: pick a name
whiite thrAsh: any name
gemath y: no
gemath y: you
whiite thrAsh: i sorta feel like this conversation about the blog should be the first entry.
gemath y: this is your idear
gemath y: you betch your bippy it will be
whiite thrAsh: haha
gemath y: that's how the blog will be btw
whiite thrAsh: i think i had a grandma named bippy once.
whiite thrAsh: named*
gemath y: I'll post mildly funny stuff and you'll be like HAHA
whiite thrAsh: HAHA
whiite thrAsh: yourebrilliant.
gemath y: and I'll be like, u r soooo gay!
gemath y: you can be bippy
gemath y: and I'll be bappy
whiite thrAsh: no!
whiite thrAsh: thats
whiite thrAsh: gay
whiite thrAsh: if you look up gay in the dictionary
gemath y: like your vagina?
whiite thrAsh: it says
gemath y: bippy bappy!
whiite thrAsh: "you be bippy and i'll be bappy"
whiite thrAsh: (adj)
gemath y: that killers song that came out this year was so bad
whiite thrAsh: wow, a new topic so soon.
gemath y: panic at the disco isn't good either
whiite thrAsh: cant stand them.
gemath y: oh we'll go back do'nt worry
whiite thrAsh: if you dont pick a name
whiite thrAsh: im going to call you rory
gemath y: what are you going to be
gemath y: they have to sound good together
whiite thrAsh: where do you live by the way?
whiite thrAsh: youre rory and i'm delilah
gemath y: brighton?
whiite thrAsh: right.
gemath y: I'll just be gem
gemath y: and you just be....
whiite thrAsh: uh huh.
gemath y: lewis?
gemath y: gem and lewis?
gemath y: that sounds cute
whiite thrAsh: siiigh.
gemath y: fine
gemath y: big tits mcgee?
whiite thrAsh: lewis.
gemath y: what?
whiite thrAsh: about me:
whiite thrAsh: i'll write yours
whiite thrAsh: you write mine
gemath y: ooh ok
whiite thrAsh: no more than 500 words for you.
gemath y: do I need to sign up for something
gemath y: what's your name?
whiite thrAsh: but you cant be signed in doing things while i am
whiite thrAsh: lewis i guess
whiite thrAsh: should we write these in 3rd person or 1st person?
gemath y: 3rd
whiite thrAsh: wait
whiite thrAsh: should we include a how we know each other part too?
gemath y: no
gemath y: no.
gemath y: way.
whiite thrAsh: hahaa
whiite thrAsh: k
whiite thrAsh: are you being nice? cuz i'm being nice.
whiite thrAsh: funny, but nice.
gemath y: I don't know
whiite thrAsh: not good.
gemath y: let me read yours so I can get the tone
whiite thrAsh: gem leaps into the 21st century with her phd in eyebrow maintenance and makeup repair.
whiite thrAsh: thats all i wrote so far
whiite thrAsh: gem leaps into the 21st century with her phd in eyebrow maintenance and makeup repair. she's not an elitist, she's just usually more right about things and better dressed at the party than you are.
whiite thrAsh: brighton in mass?
whiite thrAsh: or nh
whiite thrAsh: actually i guess we could post longer bios as an entry
whiite thrAsh: and put a link to the first entry on the menu
whiite thrAsh: under the name...
whiite thrAsh: "bios"
whiite thrAsh: so write as much as you want.
whiite thrAsh: HEY YOU ANSWER ME.
gemath y: I am writing
gemath y: answer what?
whiite thrAsh: let me see what you have
gemath y: no
whiite thrAsh: fuck you asshole
whiite thrAsh: i showed you mine
gemath y: I don't even know if I am going to keep any of it
whiite thrAsh: god if i had a nickel...
gemath y: I am just writing what comes to mind
gemath y: aw
gemath y: you know I don't believe in god
whiite thrAsh: let me guess
whiite thrAsh: "bitch bitch bitch $$$ lazy not funny"
whiite thrAsh: what did oy used to do in hghschool? the musicals or something?
whiite thrAsh: im gunna say you designed all the costumes.
gemath y: I did musicals and plays
gemath y: I did not design costumes
gemath y: I was awful
gemath y: and should never have done theater
whiite thrAsh: humm
gemath y: I did organize the aids quilt and the day of silence at my school
gemath y: confirming all suspicions I was a biiiiiiig lezbot
whiite thrAsh: hahahaha
gemath y: so feel free to include that
whiite thrAsh: i am LOLing.
whiite thrAsh: fyi.
gemath y: ok
gemath y: I bet
gemath y: let me work some other things out
whiite thrAsh: k
gemath y: I have something else I just thought of
whiite thrAsh: humm
gemath y: I am doing so well with these additions
whiite thrAsh: haha
whiite thrAsh: what kind of school did you go to?
whiite thrAsh: to become whatever it is that you are?
gemath y: esthetic school
gemathy: I feel like mine is an accurate representation of you
whiite thrAsh: it is
whiite thrAsh: now i have to fit in
whiite thrAsh: allt he real stuff
gemathy: and that is just about someone else up there :-)
gemathy: but that's hilarious
gemathy: omg the last line is the best
whiite thrAsh: yeah??
whiite thrAsh: i like it too.
gemathy: I moved to BOSTON
gemathy: not brighton
gemathy: I live in brighton now
gemathy: which is technically boston
whiite thrAsh: im gunna keep brighton.
gemathy: also
gemathy: I drink alcohol
whiite thrAsh: what else do yo want me to mention?
gemathy: a lot
whiite thrAsh: i hadno idea
gemathy: like, so often
whiite thrAsh: ill chage it
gemathy: you could say I turn my nose up to social interaction
gemathy: yeah
gemathy: but that's awesome
gemathy: you think my humor is 80s?
whiite thrAsh: i dunno i justtoght it was fnny sounding
gemathy: because I love who's the boss?
gemathy: I dress like an old lady btw
gemathy: you could say that
gemathy: instead of 80s
gemathy: or all things that sort of are, or were, an episode of Golden Girls
gemathy: ha
gemathy: or alf
gemathy: or Kate and Aly
gemathy: or Cheers
gemathy: remember tony micely?
gemathy: and his blue van?
gemathy: and mona
gemathy: oh man
gemathy: mona cracked. me. up.

Sunday, December 17, 2006

An Introduction to Ourselves.

So, we, Gem and Lewis, thought it would be a neat-o idea* to begin a blog that talked back. On a daily basis, we IM back and forth generally trying to outfunny each other. We both became frustrated with a lack of outlet to permanently record these golden instant messaging moments to be shared one day with like-minded individuals who will adore us into the fame stratosphere. Lewis thought we should have our own tv show. While I agree to a whole lot of extent, I feel a blog is the initial step to creating our imminent celebrity buzz frenzy. We'll leave the tv deals for later. Like, next week or something. Or at least until I win The Biggest Loser* and get hot**. In discussing what I'd like to see come of our creative endeavor (cars, money, know, the things Lewis was born with), Lewis suggested we write introductions for each other to help our fans get acquainted with who we are, where we've been, and what we do. What follows is our super gay rendition of an internet pissing contest. For the record, Lewis peed her pants a full 2:30 minutes before me.

* denotes worst fucking idea and/or huuuuge waste of time.

** indicates having lots of sex.


Lewis grew up a southwestern JAP with few close friends and zero asipirations. In her early high school years, she spent most of her time growing breasts and trolling the internet adoring 90s rockers. It was on this intensely crazy thing called the internet that she met Ms. Gemaleeza Rice (Gem for short). Unlike today, this was back when having online friends was weird, unusual, and creepy. However, Lewis adored Gem and, Gem, being a girl who just can't say no (to anything [srsly, anything]{do you have a brother?}]), decided to let Lewis continue to adore and befriend her. Gem allowed their friendship to solidify by way of an unexpected and important New Year's Eve phone call. Ahhhh, memories. From that point on, it has been nothing but zen wrapped in caramel, dipped in chocolate.

Since the year 2000, her blank-slate personality has been heavily influenced by transcontinental best friends Mark and Gem; the latter of which was her sole inspiration to graduate high school and attend higher education at a large state school in Arizona. Lewis has no opinions of her own and will laugh at anything that hurts someone's feelings. She spends her tender university days drinking alcohol, waitressing, printing consistently hilarious illustrations of fairly comical and unexpected animals, and avoiding doing any other school work whatsoever.

Currently single, this PYT has all the attitude and booty a white frat boy wearing a hemp necklace can handle. Lewis enjoys talking shit about unnattractive people she knows on Facebook, telling certain stories with a just-so comedy styling and candor, hating Palestinians, and consuming cheep beers in animal/flourescent party attire. A girl with many crushes, many dreams, many crushed dreams...This blog is to serve as another diversion from the things that actually matter in life.


Gem, although a product of a broken home with a sister prone to seizures, isn't just another unemployed, hard up for cash girl from New Hampshire, no ma'am. As soon as that high school diploma came bouncing through the mail (she was too busy changing her tampon behind school dumpsters and auditioning for community theater productions of "Oklahoma" and "Grease" to actually show up to the ceremony [but that doesn't mean Pomp and Circumstance isn't on heavy rotation on her walkman iPod]) she packed her belongings (all both of them!) and moved to the glittering city of Brighton, Massachusetts. It was there that she pursued her selfless desire to help those who cannot help themselves (because her contribution to the AIDS Quilt and National Day of Silence at her high school just weren't fullfilling enough and only furthered the rumors that she was a huuuuge lezbot [her words, not mine!]). She enrolled in vocational esthetic school and is now an employee eyebrow maintenance technician at one of boston's best saloons salons. When not falling face first into a fishbowl of flavored liquors (pronounced lik-KOHRS), or nose first onto a mirror of narcotics (kidding!), Gem chooses to spend her weekends seeing shitty bands that will never, ever make it, flirting with older men (who swarm to her shoulder pads and elastic banded skirts, and sweaters with the big plastic buttons on them you knowwhatimtalkingabout like moths to a flame!), and dreaming about having access to cable television and a video camera (although no longer auditioning for theatrical productions, she is very interested in auditioning for reality television programing...or so she says). Her biggest influences include, but are not limited to, Lewis, and that guy who won The Biggest Loser. Her humor is most often described as a mix between things that aren't funny. at all. and things that sort of are, or were in the late 80s.