Thursday, August 23, 2007

sending this would either be the best fucking idea, or the worst fucking idea....

i received an award in 2006 - well, a grant really - to do a project for Hillel at my university. Long story short, they stiffed me, sent me nasty letters asking for a return of the half of the money they had given me at the beginning, and have been a general nuisance ever since. I keep trying to get my dues from them but they keep coming up with nonsense. so basically, after a bunch of letter writing and them attacking my character, calling me a "failure", saying my project was incomplete and even yelling at me and my mom on the phone, lying, being hypocritical and avoiding their responsibilities i have had enough. this is my final letter to the head of the committee. other players include the rabbi, who basically co-heads the committee but wont admit it because then he has to TAKE RESPONSIBILITY, and maureen, a secretary of sorts.

all the other letters i had written them were very direct, polite and appropriate. but that's no fun, is it??!!

Well David,

Yo it's like this, I really enjoyed your brief history of the success of the Frazer award. It looks like so much fun that I am even considering trying for it again next year - - wouldn't that just be aces! Are food and beverage provided at the awards? I sure hope so, I love cheese and crackers.

Enough about lactose (does it give you gas? it gives my brother gas), my mother showed me the letter you sent to her regarding both the previous letter she sent to you and Rabbi Lee and my "failed committments", and I cannot thank you enough! I haven't laughed so hard since Gallagher's Sledge-O-Matic special in 1998!! Who knew lies, bullshit, and outright make believe could be so funny!! You did, David! You did! I especially loved the part about "knowing the facts" and your creative usage of the word "spite" in place of the word "despite". Or was that by accident? Humm... I bet you make a fabulous lawyer!

These incidents you speak of, with wild and great imagination, are the things children's books are made of! Which is both ironic and convenient considering I hope to be an illustrator of children's books in the future - so if you ever feel like fully developing these "fantasy worlds" into a completed story and you need an illustrator - you know where to find me (wink!)! But remember, I have very little (if any) understanding of "committment" and I often times take things for granted...

I love that you think I ignored Maureen's phone calls (all both of them!) and e-mails (of which I have only three, one of her cancelling an appointment I had with the Rabbi and postponing it, last minute, and the other a response to an e-mail I had sent her regarding specific meeting times and my availability), it's like you pulled this shit out of your ass. straight from your ass. you stuck your hand up your butt hole and ripped this from your innards, bloodied and soiled.. Your inclusion of the e-mails was a nice touch too, especially considering they don't include MY writings to Maureen, and just hers. Well played, Mr. Frazer!

And you are absolutely right about my project being unfinished in February. It most certainly was. Absolutely 100% unfinished in February. Did you know the projects were due March 19th? That's weird.

Humm..what else... oh, "redirecting" my project toward children. Well, yes and no. I didn't REDO my project, it just so happened that while working on it it had taken a direction geared toward youth. Perhaps it had to do with my years of teaching the wee ones or my previously mentioned desire to illustrate books for kids. Either way, the Rabbi really fucked up his notations on that meeting we had! I think all those back problems got to his ears!! I kid, I kid!

Lastly, once again you're right about something. i didn't bring my finished project to the Rabbi until the end of April. Why? Well, because no one had asked me for it prior. There had been no rescheduling for the presentations and no requests to see my project, so i just kept it at home until someone asked for it. And then I brought it in.

Oh - before i forget, you mentioned something about the "inappropriate tenor" used by my Mother in her letter to you, which reminds me, I don't think I ever got a chance to thank you for calling me an irresponsible failure. I really appreciated it. Is that better or worse than a washed up, hypocritical Jerk face of a Lawyer cheating young artists out of hundreds of dollars?? I'm not quite sure, and neither are my two peers from 2006 who also didn't receive their dues.

Well, before I end this letter between friends, I would like to share a short list I've made of things you can do with the money I am owed, but will never receive.

1. stick it in your butt

Uh oh! It's unfinished!

-best wishes,

PS no i don't want to do a presentation for a "small portion" of the money.


DKW said...

Alright, somebody had to say it: They jewed you out of your grant!

Kevin said...

This is the kind of letter I've always wanted to send. Team Sasha!