Please Don't Hate

I'm committed to you, blog. I am. Of course you would never know it seeing as how I rarely post now, and when I do, it isn't even a bad idea, it's usually a good idea, or sometimes it isn't even an idea at all, but a conversation that only I would find funny, and therefor, is a complete waste of your time, yet I try to disguise it as some sort of "idea" (good or bad) so i have an excuse to post it for my own enjoyment. AKA the post below...

But I am here. I am. And I want to post. I do. I have bad ideas, I swear. For example, yesterday I traded a joint for two slices of pizza in front of the art building. Just like that! No secrecy, just open, visible exchanges followed by a rewarding and satisfying lunch. No, seriously. That wasn't smart, was it? Not to mention, the only way I was able to afford any pot at all was by trading found oxycontin tablets (read: my dad's expired prescription medication that he left in his car which I am currently borrowing) to a guy I met off the internet during the summer who carries a gun and has a bad habit of inviting me to go "skiing" which is apparently slang for SNORTING COCAINE ("I don't have the proper attire for skiing, nor can I afford it, sorry!" ugh! Embarrassing!). More. Bad. Ideas. !!!!!

Anyway...

I still have no job and I owe my credit card about $3,400. Doesn't sound like too much when I compare it to friends of mine who owe somewhere in the $15,000 range - but those kids paid for cars! or school! or plastic surgery! I just spent it all on sunglasses, drinks at the bar when I should have been at the studio, sandwiches and CDRs!! DAMMIT!!!!!! I do have some legitimate vet bills in there and responsible cab fares home that were upwards of $60 because I LIVE SO FUCKING FAR AWAY FROM ANYTHING. Those are okay though I think, but that doesn't make me owe any less money. And now this weekend I am having a kegger and I have barely a dollar to my name (which will surely be spent on a Snickers bar by the end of the day). WORST PARTY EVER is all I have to say about that.

So to our two readers: Hang in there, this dry spell shall pass, and I'll be doing horrible things once again.

STOP IT.

I didn't even know you edited my post.

DON'T FUCKING DO THAT.

I'll have to call you a cunt or something and that will take away from my calling you gay all the time. And you know I love to do that.

So don't do that! Why would it gross you out that we are garnering hits from porn freaks? Everyone likes porn. I love porn. I'd eat it for breakfast if I could!

And if you edit this, I swear, I'll send you anthrax. Again.

WFI: Editing the Blog's Content.

Back when Gem had posted dirty pictures in her Pee Party entry, we were getting about 24 hits a day. Which is brilliant considering I only know about two and a half people; Gem being the half, because she's mostly just an internet persona. However, I was way beyond grossed out when I checked the "referrals" stats, and noticed people were only finding out page by looking up things like "peeing boys" and "piss porn".

That's not cool.

So I edited her post and removed the images, which were directly linked to their respective fetish sites.


And ever since our daily hits number has been dwindling. First it went down to 20, and then 19, and then 14, and then 12...

But we bounced back! Who knew so many people googled things like, "is Brandi Carlile gay??" or "How gay is Brandi Carlile!" And who knew that the 28th return was none other than "Another reason why I'm SORTA gay!!!! Wow, right?

(And now this post will pop up as a find too!!!)

Ah, but alas, back down it went.


To 7.


SEVEN.


Five of those are probably me and Gem, seeing if the other wrote anything.


We haven't, by the way.

But for our one dedicated reader (or is it "one, dedicated reader"?), there will be some craigslist posts to come.


But from now on, all direct links to pornography sites stay up!!

Just My Luck.

So, I really haven't been able to upload all my trip pictures because there is a limit to flicker for the month or whatever and I have 500 pictures. That makes it difficult. Anyway, I don't want to talk about my trip! I want to talk about this weekend!

Friday Night: Certified Bananas at the Enormous Room.
Saturday: Grocery shopping for party
Saturday Night: Big Fat Greek Wedding, Caroline's Birthday party
Sunday: PUMPKIN PARTYYYYYYYYYY!

Now, sure, all of those things sound fun, but in my life, there's a WFI lurking in just about every seemingly great idea.

First, I wish I wasn't going to Certified Bananas because I have so much cleaning and prep to do for the party and I still don't have anything to wear to the wedding. But! I have to do normal things and act normal so Emily doesn't pick up on the surprise part of our party on Saturday.

Then we need to buy so much for the party...food, beer, decorations, pumpkins. AND I HAVE NO MONEY. I am really screwed on this. I am hoping for a decent commission check this month or I am financially fucked for November.

Then there's the wedding, which I think will actually be fun. But I am not getting my hair done because of the aforementioned lack of time and money. AND I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO WEAR YET! It's a formal evening wedding. I am going to look so stupid because I just don't have anything. And I have to wear a dress because I am taking Mary and I can't be the girl who brings a girl and wears pants! I won't be able to take a greek boy home with me! Plus, I have to give a wedding gift, which is another $100 dollars. Also, I have no money.

And then there's the party. We invited just about everyone we know. So, I am worried there will be 50 people packed into our apartment. It could be the world's greatest party or the world's most uncomfortable party.



Then of course, there's the Emily's Birthday present surprise of us flying her secret lover in from L.A. for the weekend. It will be like a movie when she arrives at the restaurant thinking it's dinner with her sister and Secret Lover is at the table. The wrench in the whole thing is Em's x-boy who will be at Caroline's party and also our party (accidents on both accounts) who also happens to be good friends with S.L.

Hopefully the next few days will unravel neatly and with very little drama. Why do all the most exciting future BFI's have so much WFI potential? I'm sure there will be a disaster among all the WFI possibilities and I will report back. So, to our two (TWO!) fans: Wish me luck!

Gem's Date

And how was it?

gemath y: it was terrible
gemath y: he was a freak
gemath y: thank god I was so high and drunk I could barely talk
gemath y: I had an excuse to ignore him
gemath y: but I looked awesome.
gemath y: that's what's important

The Duathalon.

What an awkward mess of an evening. There is nothing funny about this post except for the absurd circumstance of the night.

That morning, Billy ran a 5K and biked over 50 miles and was exhausted and sore. Kaitlin was confused and thought the two were related in some sort of Duathalon. That's when I thought of our every weekend Duathalon: drugs and alcohol.



Erin's house party in Allston was definitely a bust. There was no one there. Once again, we brought the party. I don't know why people even have parties if we aren't there. Useless wastes of time. There were a few people there (like 5) but they were all friends from the Warped Tour and/or in Big D and the Kids Table. Srs :rolleyes:. They wanted nothing to do with us and we wanted nothing to do with them. The only thing we could do to enjoy ourselves while we waited until the cookies kicked in was drink and dance. I didn't even dance much because there were too many lights on and it was just various groupings of the 4 of us in the center of the living room. It was like being on display. I hate those kinds of parties. So, in an attempt to win the Duathalon, I just drank. And I was good at that.

The myspace date was the bigger disaster though. He sort of flaked out on coming and I convinced him it would be fine if he came because it was a shitty party anyway. I was on the porch when he arrived and I saw him through the kitchen window and I knew immediately the whole thing was a mistake. He wasn't attractive like his pictures AT ALL. At least I look like my pictures!!! And when he came out on the porch, he was clearly gay. Gay like homosexual. It's sad he doesn't know it. Then he rolled a cigarette (gross) and sat in a chair with his arm across his chest like how fat girls sit with pillows on their laps. He was extremely uncomfortable the entire night. I was in another state of mind honestly. And I was comfortable there, so I couldn't relate to this guy. And by relate I mean I barely talked to him and wanted to get away from him every time I went out on the porch to try to talk to him again. It was really awful and I made sure I got good and wasted before we went to a party on Mission Hill.

That party wasn't good either. And we got there after 2 which is not too late for a Mission Hill party, but a lot of people had already left. There was cake though and it was a welcome taste in my mouth. I can really only remember how it felt squishing in my mouth and it was awesome. Then we went to get pizza which was another surprise to my taste buds. I have never loved cake and pizza more than last night. On the way home, KT, Billy, Em, Mary and me sang/screamed along to Hero, All By Myself, End of the Road, and Don't Want to Miss a Thing. Nothing says wasted like a Mariah Carey/Celine Dion/Boyz II Men/Aerosmith sing-a-long. The best part was I had my eyes closed the whole time. That's right, I was singing with my eyes closed.

Going to bed was the best thing I did last night. I think, in the end, no one wins the Duathalon.

and I'm like daaaaaaamn that's hot

So, while our one fan awaits the recounting of Seattle misadventures, behold, the newest WFI I've done to myself.

Tonight! I am meeting someone from myspace. LOLZ! No. Freal! I'm serious. He wrote me an interesting message and I responded positively. And now I've spent this evening trying my best to appear more attractive yet that I look like this all the time and I will be meeting him at a party that might be a bust to begin with.



Update tomorrow.

ART

BFI or WFI? Instead of working on any of the fifty things I have to have done next week for midterms, I spent the night in the studio drinking beer and printing a shit ton of these.


I think it's a BFI.

oh god oh god oh god oh god

i caught a scorpion in my room.

did you hear me?

SCORPION IN MY ROOM.


vietnamfriend: i know many people who have found scorpions
whiitethrash: it only takes one, thu.
vietnamfriend: but only one
vietnamfriend: but you got it?
vietnamfriend: sasha
whiitethrash: if i had a gun
whiitethrash: with one bullet
whiitethrash: i could still kill you.
whiitethrash: do you understand??
whiitethrash: or is that analogy horrific.


AAAAHHH!!!!


in other NEWWWSSS!!! Gem is on a flight back to boston as we speak. hopefully she had some horrible ideas in seattle (like wrecking her rental car) and will tell us about them. i shall not post any more until then. toodles!